Top 10 mistakes people make, concerning the opposite sex10

8. People believe in stereotypes.

This one is really, REALLY important. Women are nor stupid, nor irrational. You know, they study the same things we do, and often put a lot more effort in it than us. As blatant as it seems, it still is a prevailing stereotype among men, and i'm expecting some flames in the comment section. And i know at least TWO people, who, when reading this, will think that i'm doing this just to get laid.  But no, men don't think about sex all the time. And we're not emotionless freaks. For one, when i drink beer with my pals, most of the time we blother about philosophy and warfare. Seriously. I could go on and on, but probably everything you know is wrong. Sure, there are jerks and whores, yet - who cares. Trust me, life has proven again and again, that ALL people are actually nice and caring, if you get past the natural privacy shell, and our needs are not so far apart. Now, would you like to date a girl who cares only about the size of your wallet and penis? (And that's another stereotype - you do know that it's really bad and hurts them, if it's too big, and you're not careful, do you?) Well, if you don't want such a woman, then stop thinking that they're all dumb as hell and stop staring at their breasts!

Just a thing to add: If you're a female person, who's reading this - unless you're terribly obese, YOU ARE NOT TOO FAT! That's the most irritating thing I've ever heard from a woman! Although, it is a reason to give out a compliment, it shouldn't be used for anything else than gaining the said compliment. It's not about kilos, it's about how you present them ;) Also, it's a well known truth among men than only beautiful girls think they are too fat - the ugly and REALLY fat one's don't bother worrying. So, quite probably, you're completely fine!

7.  People stop trying.

I don't even want to start about this one. I've heard whines by the millions that "zomg, she was soooo pretty when we started dating, but now she doesn't take care of herself!" - Sure, we all want our partners to stay as beautiful as they were. Notice how i say: Partners, not women. Most likely, after those couple of dates where you tried your arse off to be the prettiest and the most awesome dude ever, you too stopped trying that hard. After all, you got the girl, now you can relax? Well, by doing so, you become someone who's not worth looking beautiful for. We all want to be proud of our significant others. This has cost me a serious relationship, guys, so listen up: get yourself a suit. That favourite t-shirt? It has to go. Your funky pants? Ugly as shit. If you want your partner to be as beautiful as the first time you saw her/him, you have to be as beautiful as well.

Like a friend of mine, Izaak, writes on his messenger contacts: "You deserve everything that's happening to you." I couldn't say it better than him, really.

6. People mistake care for control.

As much as I hate it, i'll have to (albeit liberally) quote an ex of mine - but what she said encompassed the problem and made it clear for me at that time (Unfortunately, i got dumped then. Oh well, shit happens), and i hope it'll explain some things for you as well.

"Once upon a time, there lived a knight. He had a nice shining armor and a sword. He slayed the dragon, got the princess and they lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, in their kingdom, there happened to be a time when another dragon arrived. So, the knight took his sword and went on to kill the said dragon. But the princess loved the knight, and she didn't want the knight to get harmed. So, she recommended the knight to take a shield with him this time. And so he did. After a while, another dragon arrived. This time, bigger and scarier. Knight picked up the sword, the shield too, this time - but the princess, seeing as the dragon was just HUGE, thought that a shield will not be enough. So, she told the knight that this time, maybe he should use a magical axe instead of a sword. So, he put the sword down, took the magic axe, and proceeded to slay the beast. But when the next dragon arrived, even bigger this time, and the princess wanted to help out of the purest love, the Knight, instead, decided to just go to the local pub, get drunk and go and save another princess."

You see, women actually don't control you. They love you. And care about you. And yes, they do all these little things that piss us off - namely, how to do whatever we've been doing before without their advice - out of sheer love. You see, most men want to make their own decisions, and constant nagging makes us feel bad. So love us a bit differently - a coffee and sex works wonders! And men: understand that women have no need of controlling you, they know that we're strong and awesome, so don't worry about that. But yeah, this takes a while to set in. Also - very closely related to this is the next thing!

5. There are no psycho bitches.

If you think about it, like i said, people aren't that irrational. And most crazed women become such, because a) they love you and b ) you have fucked something up. Terribly. You see, trust is of extreme importance. If one of you does something terribly idiotical (and being drunk while doing that, just makes that worse) chances are, that you'll be treated a bit differently, until the wounds heal. Of course, that is no reason why to burn good books and blame me for doing cocaine, but like i said - unless people are really weird. And i'm pretty sure that i've had my own fair share of relationship-induced madness as well.

This means, that there are people in the world, who think that i am a control freak, useless vagabond, a lousy bastard and...guess what, psycho bitch drama queen with issues. It's fair, i guess - and just proves that you, again, shouldn't blame other people for your own fuck-ups. Just...don't do that again, ok?

4. People can know what other people want. Seriously.

It's not that hard, really.

Mel Gibson and that movie has done a great deal of damage. No, men are not that simple. No, women are not that hard. No, nobody expects others to read their thoughts. A bit of listening does just fine. (So says the man with no empathy, therefore it must be true! But really, if I can know what other people want, so can YOU! Flabbergasting! Stupendous! Marvelous!!!) There is a whole industry dedicated to know exactly what people want, and selling this information to others. Businesses run on it. Surely, you can do that too! And no, when she says that you should decide where to go, it doesn't mean she doesn't have a preference, she wants you, you indecisive fuck, to MAKE A GODDAMN DECISION for once. And stand by it. And when men say they don't care about something, they do so, because in unimportant matters, they want to please their women. It's that simple.

Like i mentioned earlier, here's the answer to all of your relationship needs: Think about what you want from a relationship. Add more niceness. Add more trying hard. Add flowers. Give that to someone. Because, really, we all want someone to tell us we're special, and we all want to make someone else feel special because of us. And that's what we do. (Except flowers - i've never received flowers on a date, and, frankly, a beer would do much better! :D )

3. People are NOT chronic liars.

Yeah, sure - all humans lie now and then. Yet - the paranoia has gone too far. Remember X-Files? Malder's password - trustno1. We're taught that by the day. Magazines tell us that men cheat, and women tend to spot a cheating bastard in every last one of us. Men don't trust them just as much, suspecting that they're not telling something/telling the complete opposite of what they really want. We've been ruined, spoiled and taught not to trust people.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is fucked up and wrong. If you're building a relationship, then trust each other. Let go of the damn paranoia! It does more harm than good! "But Torq", you can say. "how will being naive help me?" And i have to reply: who said anything about naivety? Trusting people and being naive are two completely different things. And there's wisdom in separating them. Of what use will be your possible relationships, if you're afraid to tell something to your significant other, and choose to lie instead? Even the small things count. Don't lie. Ever. And always expect the other person is completely true about whatever they're saying, even if what they're saying is sounding like complete bullocks. There is no other way.

That being said, there's one wise quote from that stoic russian, who's book i read lately: "If your woman is cheating you, she's not your woman anymore. And why would you want someone else's woman?"

2. People don't live on love alone. They also need money. To pay bills. And we all want it to be otherwise.

This one just HAS to be split in two parts, because, and i'm deeply cynical on this issue, money tends to ruin things. A lot.

From the woman's perspective, it is understandable that a richer man is preferred over one who's poor. And not because women enjoy all the shiny things - sure they all do, but that's not the whole point - but because in our society, money equals power. Having money, means you have a job. Having a job means that you're a responsible person, who can keep a job. Also, smart people, in general, tend to have more money than dumb people, because they have better jobs. This works in the level of instincts, from the days when we were all running around with sharp sticks and beating up mammoths. So, women seek alpha males. To inform you, bottom feeders, an alpha male is not one who can pwn everyone in computer games, an alpha male is one, who can take care of a tribe. And not by force and/or tyranny, because that came later - an alpha male does that, because he's the most capable person around, and he understands how and why he should do it. The egoistical, self-centered pricks were always the bottom feeders. That is a fact.

Grind this in your head: No woman wants to date a loser. Not because of what you'll buy to her, but because a loser won't be able to help her, if all hell breaks loose.

On the other hand, women of these times want and can earn their own money, and they are in no way handicapped. And most men work hard to get the said money. And yes, most men take you to places and buy you stuff, because that makes you feel better, thus making us feel better. (Magic formula: take care of her, and she'll do the same to you) BUT that doesn't mean we don't have to pay for our bills, that we don't need to eat and that we don't need money to escape our daily routines. Also, men are more inclined to do stuff for women, who don't ask them to do stuff for them. ;) But, like i said before - unless we're living together, and pooling our resources, don't expect us to provide for your daily needs. Young students, even with jobs, usually aren't that rich to keep doing that for prolonged periods of time. Of course, we can help in a pinch, BUT...if you want us to treat you equally, learn to be responsible yourselves as well.

1. And the most important thing about relationship that people do wrong is: People forget that others are people too.

Serge Gainsbourg wasn't a prettyboy shining wampire from a crappy movie. He. Was. A MAN! Just look at all the emotion, vibrating from this picture! They manage to look absolutely badass AND totally in love at the same time! Now, THAT'S what i call a perfect couple fotoshoot!

There is a reason why i am a steampunk/victorian fan, with a slight obsession with the 50's. Because these days, with all the libertarians, marching around, with all the subcultures and whatnot...people have forgotten that there are some things more important than running around and making sure that everyone agrees to your political/religious/whatever views, and have become extremely agressive while doing so. And most women are trying really, really hard to be better men than men themselves, forgetting that it is women, proper ladies (who cares if they're from the Spanish-looking southern type or St. Petersburg Russian-looking type) whom we want. And such women want a proper gentleman by their sides. Not that everyone has to return to tophats, albeit, i like my fedora oh-so-much, and i support the idea that real men wear hats, but it's fully optional.

Just get the right attitude, and i'm speaking about both of the sexes here. Accept the flaws, be humans, be men, be gentlemen both in public, be polite in everyday lives and be sex gods in bed, be women, be ladies in public, be caring in private and like whores in bed! People are nothing but people. I'm pretty sure that everyone who's been in a relationship for a time, longer than a year, will have to agree.

Except, of course, those few people who never agree to anything, because that makes them cool & awesome, and much better than me. And let them. I'm not even trying to compete with them for women. I've no need to. ;)

Ladies. *Bows, and takes off the hat* and Gentlemen. *Shakes hand.* 'till next time. I'm sure i haven't told you anything new.